http://quotablequotes.info/ The latest quotes added to our database. http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Arnold_J._Sinclair-quotes.html#q168573 “A man who can only give a suggestion to help is a part of the facing problem but a man who not only suggests but also does is the solver.” — Arnold J. Sinclair http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Arnold_J._Sinclair-quotes.html#q168573 http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168572 “If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.” — Jack Handy http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168572 http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168571 “When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.” — Jack Handy http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168571 http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168570 “It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.” — Jack Handy http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168570 http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168569 “At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw fuck you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.” — Jack Handy http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168569 http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168568 “One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.” — Jack Handy http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168568 http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168567 “A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."” — Jack Handy http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168567 http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168566 “Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.” — Jack Handy http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168566 http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168565 “I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.” — Jack Handy http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168565 http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168564 “If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.” — Jack Handy http://quotablequotes.info/authors/Jack_Handy-quotes.html#q168564